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Personalised number plates have never really been my thing, although it might be hard to turn down M4RKS, say, if it ever came up for less than the cost of a good lunch.
That doesn't seem to be very likely, though, if the winning bids at last week's three-day DVLA auction of personalised plates are anything to go by.
This curious form of narcissism is now a multi million pound earner for the Government. Since 1989, when the DVLA began auctioning-off unallocated numbers, it has netted almost £1 billion from car owners willing to part with up to £330,000 for a few digits on a piece of plastic.
But whoever paid £5400 for BOR 11S last Wednesday should be honest; it doesn't really spell "Boris". Neither does BLA 573R (a snip at £400) come close to "Blaster" although something tells me it will end up adorning a heavily-pimped L-reg Vauxhall Nova.
And is there a divine impulse to pay £2900 to hang B115 HOP from the bumper of your diocesan runabout? At that price, Britain's increasingly cash-strapped church establishment must be relieved that V1 CAR didn't go under the hammer as well last week.
This desire to morph humble licence plates into lifestyle accessories may be making millions for the DVLA, but other Government departments are less happy about it. The Home Office, police and local authorities, for whom a number plate is simply something that needs to be easily read by automatic recognition systems, take a dim view of all this fiddling around with digits.
The Home Office recently suggested doubling the fixed penalty for "misrepresenting vehicle marks" by altering the spacing or using a fancy font. Well, the law is the law, even if a hike from £30 to £60 will probably do little to influence anyone prepared to shell out upwards of £5000 for the pleasure of being known as Boriis while out driving in their car.
But if the plate police are planning a crackdown, it is worth giving any company drivers with personalised numbers a reminder about the official rules. Cars with illegal plates may fail an MOT; the plate itself may be withdrawn, causing you the hassle of re-registering the vehicle; and if the case goes to court, the driver could be fined up to £1000.
Perhaps that's why the owner of an ancient Volvo I saw the other day, which sported the registration FOS 51L, had refrained from making the obvious connection.
Then there was the buy-to-let millionaire on Channel 4 a few nights ago, whose Aston Martin's plates proudly declared AVE 1T. Mind you, in the tumbling housing market, he was having sleepless nights over the £30,000-a-month it costs him to service his mortgages.
I hope he comes through all right. If not, the DVLA could presumably still do him a deal. Up for auction on Thursday, with a mere £4000 reserve, was HAD 1T.
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