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Diary of a fleet manager: Month Nine

Date: 12 December 2022

A cracked windscreen is among our anonymous insider's tribulations this month.

Can I please borrow someone's crystal ball? There must be several fleet managers out there with one, as it seems a job necessity - but I can't find mine! Our company, like yours, works with 100% communication. That's 20% actual face to face or phone communication, 70% Chinese whispers and 10% tell someone else and the right person will find out - because I'm afraid to talk to them!

Well, the week started with a bit of a calamity, panic and a big dollop of 'it's not my fault'. The vehicle in question started with a small chip, and not the sort of chip you have fish with, but a chip on the windscreen. I had asked (told!) them politely to get it repaired before it got worse, as an expensive new windscreen needed fitting - but like all good fleet drivers, they didn't. They couldn't be bothered taking it anywhere, spending an hour waiting for it to be fixed. Then, they hit a pothole, and that was it, that chip became a crack, growing in front of their eyes! 

The driver very carefully described it in motor industry terms "it's like the Mitsubishi emblem, you know the one." Then, he artistically started explaining what a Mitsubishi Badge looks like. In fact, he described it so well, that if I didn't know what it looked like - I could have drawn it from his clever description! So much so, that I almost forgot that we were dealing with a cracked windscreen that looked like a Mitsubishi Badge, which should have been repaired before it became a crack! See, even I've been brainwashed! Anyway, he told me the crack happened after he'd cleaned the windscreen with window cleaner, as he presumably wanted to polish out the chip. So, the windscreen cleaner got the blame. The mobile fitters went to his house, and a new one was fitted, hopefully not in a Mitsubishi.

I am currently working with other departments in the company on our 'green credentials'. For my part, I was asked to get all the vehicles weighed. We now have the same models across the fleet, and all the engineers carry the same items. I asked the drivers to try and have about half a tank of fuel, and they very reluctantly took them to various weighbridges up and down the country. Everyone was a different weight - some by a large margin, others much lighter or much heavier! So, we had to take an average of the weights. I'm still not completely sure why we did it, but there must be a good reason, as it's all in 'The Green Cause'.

Talking of green, we have had a big EV question. We do have (for some unknown reason, and before my time) some 'high end' EV vehicles on our fleet, such as a Tesla and an Audi. Our remit is to try and get more EV's on the fleet, including vans. However, our drivers are spread around the country, and after asking a few if they could have a home wall box fitted, almost all said "no, impossible". They had no room on the drive for the car or van in some cases! This lack of space, or I suspect lack of interest in EVs, centres on them taking time out of the working day. Maybe in some cases up to 2-3 hours, to stop and charge them. As our car and van drivers have limited time every day, plus the fact we generally have fixed time slots for repairs and maintenance. Having EVs would completely screw up our commitments to our customers. I do like the idea of EVs, but I'm afraid that the current practicality of them would just not suit our business. 

The green debate continues in the office, and our MD is very keen to be seen to be going green and reducing our carbon footprint. I wonder if he'll change his 3-litre diesel! What is the word again, oh yes - hypocrisy! 

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