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I had just got my homemade ham and cheese sandwiches out of the fridge in the work kitchen - I'm surprised they were still there - had they been chocolate biscuits they would have mysteriously disappeared. Who really steals homemade ham and cheese sandwiches? You've got to be desperate to do that, and as a lowly fleet manager, I can't afford posh sandwiches from expensive sandwich shops like some of my colleagues.
Just as I sat down, my phone rang. Nobody ever phones me to ask how I am - no they only call when there's a problem. "Hello, do you have my spare keys there, I've lost mine." They didn't say who they were, they just demanded their spare keys! After establishing it was one of our salespeople, and they'd lost the keys to their car. I asked the usual silly question, "Where are your keys?" And got an equally silly answer: "If I knew where they were, they wouldn't be lost." "Where are you, and do you have the spare set at home?" I asked. "I'm in a supermarket about 100 miles from home and the spare is at home, and there's only one-hour parking here." "Have you had a good look around," I asked. "Yes," he said. "Have you asked at customer services if they have been handed in?" I continued. "No" he said - well that would be a start, I thought. "I'll call you back in 10 minutes when I've asked," he said. After a few more minutes, and two bites out of my sandwich, he called back, saying they hadn't been handed in. So, I suggested asking to put out a call over the tannoy.
We continued going through his movements since getting out of the car, to try and stir his memory. He went in the supermarket and had bought a ham and cheese sandwich (at least we had one thing in common), a packet of crisps and a soft drink. I said, "they must be there, you obviously had them when you parked up, but lost them between the car, and the checkout."
Next, he told me a message had gone out over the loud-speaker system, but nothing had turned up.
I trust my drivers to have spare keys, a huge responsibility I know, but one I'm willing to take for some of my more challenging members of staff.
I could feel my blood beginning to boil, as I asked him to retrace his steps from leaving the car, to going around the shop, to see if he could recall anything. "I'm nearly out of time in the car park now," he told me. "Well why don't you put a note on your window with a brief explanation of what's happened," I suggested. He told me he couldn't do that, as his pen and paper were in the car and the car was locked. So, I suggested asking the nice staff in
the shop to borrow a pen and paper. I was sure they will help; some people have no gumption whatsoever.
Anyway, he wrote the note, put it under the windscreen wiper and did as I asked, walked around the supermarket looking in places he had been. He phoned shortly afterwards declaring: "It has been found, it was in the fridge by the sandwiches. I must have put it down while choosing a sandwich, it was behind the tuna and sweetcorn. I did pick that up but decided on the ham and cheese!"
Afterwards, I realised I was the first point of call because this incident was company car related. If it had been a personal problem like the washing machine didn't work, or the lawn mower wouldn't start, or he was out of toothpaste, or couldn't decide what to eat -would he call me? No, of course he wouldn't, and maybe he would think about it. Sometimes I do think when it's a company car, common sense goes out of the window, and they automatically think it's my problem - not theirs, even if they were the cause of it.
As a fleet manager, I'm beginning to realise you've got to hold the driver's hands all the time. I'm sure this happens a lot to other fleet managers, and it's not just me working with people who can't think for themselves, when it comes to company vehicles?
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